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Thursday, April 21, 2005

Dear xxxxxx-xx-xxx,

Im sorry we never got the chance to really sit down and start a proper conversation.. Maybe it's bcoz of the language barrier - Im so bad in CL that i cant even speak a sentence of it without using some English in between.. Im sorry i wasnt able to open up to you, or talk to you abt me and ur son.. About what we were going through, or even ask how your day had been.. I gez it's hard to talk to someone so much older than me - like my parents, i dont go telling them what i face in my growing teenage yrs.. I wished i could juz chuck aside that shy and negative nature and boldly laugh, joke, and even be serious at our conversations.. I gez i am at fault for causing the trouble for u and ur son..

Often, i wud want u both mother and son to spend the quality time together, instead of ur son spending that quality time with me.. I gez i was selfish and that was wat probably led to the tension between u guys.. Blood is thicker than water.. Im like an outsider, someone whom so called "intruded" into your family a yr ago, without a brief of your family history.. Without knowing the future outcomes of this event.. What can i do, but juz watch helplessly..

You say i have to grow up, im still a kid and havent experienced much in life.. You say i have to study hard so that pple wud respect me and id learn to better support myself.. Maybe you wouldnt like it when i told u i want to be a musician, and do what i like to do.. I really want to make you proud and not let you look down on me.. It's always the same thing.. People look down on me.. It's bcoz of the way i dress and look, perhaps? My exes parents didnt like me.. No one did.. I gez, i felt discouraged and all hopes dashed.. Im sorry for refusing to spend the time with u sometimes.. Sometimes i juz cant face you.. I cant face not being able to open up to you.. I gez i can never be able to..

Your son tells me to try.. Well i am trying.. I really hope to talk to you properly.. Even though i cant speak very well in Chinese, i hope you'd accept me for being so Englishy.. Im sorry for the troubles caused between u and ur son.. Maybe u guys shud understand each other better.. Seek first to undstand, then be understood.. :) I love you.. God bless..
10:07 PM
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